“The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is a book that challenges the conventions of self-help by inviting the reader to NOT try, say no often and embrace negative thinking.”
“Not giving a f*ck is about being comfortable with being different and caring about something more important than adversity.”
Takeaways from the book¶
Feedback loop from hell¶
“ The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.”
Giving too many fucks about things that don’t matter, it makes us feel bad about ourselves.
This leads to the Feedback Loop From Hell
What does not giving a fuck mean?
It’s not about being indifferent, but being comfortable with being different
“You are always choosing what to give a fuck about. The key is to gradually cut the things you care about so that you only give a fuck on the most important of occasions”
Happiness is a problem¶
Happiness is not a solvable equation, it is a constant work-in-progress, because solving problems is a constant work-in-progress — the solutions to today’s problems will lay the foundation for tomorrow’s problems and so on.
Problems never stop, they only get exchanged or upgraded. Happiness is found in solving problems, not avoiding them.
Thus, “To be happy we need something to solve. Happiness is therefore a form of action.”
Whatever your problems are, the solution is simple, solve problems, be happy!
Unfortunately, for many people life doesn’t feel that simple, that’s because people mess up their lives in one of the two ways:
Denial
Victim Mentality
Remember, we cannot attain permanent happiness, or cancel all our sufferings permanently.
Real, serious, lifelong fulfillment and meaning have to be earned through the choosing and managing of our struggles.
You are not special¶
“People who become great at something become great because they understand that they’re not already great — they are mediocre, they are average — and that they could be so much better."
Many a times, we end up in situations where we think about what will others think of us, we hold ourselves because of that
Be it a girl you are scared to approach, because you think others would laugh at you if she says no or behaves rudely.
It is all in your head, you, even I, are not that important. We aren’t important enough to be remembered for a stupid little thing!
Similarly, the only way to become important, is to accept that you are not important, get on the stage, answer that question, go talk with that girl.
“you are not important enough to be remembered for being wrong, but you will sure be important if you approach, because that approaching will make you rare! and rare things have a value far greater.”
The Value of Suffering¶
You can control problems based on how you choose to think about them.
To change how you see problems, change what you value and/or how you measure failure or success.
Only choose to have values you can control.
Values you don’t control are bad as they’ll be a constant source of unnecessary suffering in your life.
When we have poor values, we essentially give fucks about things that don’t matter and make our lives worse.
Self-improvement is all about prioritizing better values and choosing better things to give a fuck about.
When you give better fucks, you get better problems. And when you get better problems, you get a better life Beneficial counterintuitive values that you can adopt such as:
Assuming responsibility for everything that occurs in your life
Acknowledging your own ignorance and constantly questioning your own beliefs
The willingness to discover your own flaws and mistakes in order to improve
The ability to both say and hear no, thus clearly defining what you will and will not accept in your life
The contemplation of one’s own mortality
You are always choosing¶
Imagine a scenario
Imagine that somebody puts a gun to your head and tells you that you have to run 26.2 miles in under five hours, or else he’ll kill you and your entire family. That would suck right?
Now imagine that you bought nice shoes and running gear, trained religiously for months, and completed your first marathon with all of your closest family and friends cheering you on at the finish line. That could potentially be one of the proudest moments of your life.
If you’re miserable in your current situation, chances are it’s because you feel like some part of it is outside your control—that there’s a problem you have no ability to solve, a problem that was somehow thrust upon you without your choosing.
When we feel that we’re choosing our problems, we feel empowered. When we feel that our problems are being forced upon us against our will, we feel victimized and miserable.
So remember,
We cannot always choose what happens in our lives or the outcome of our decisions.
But we have complete control over how we choose to respond to a problem or failure emotionally.
Taking responsibility for our reactions to negative circumstances will help us better deal with problems in our lives
You are wrong about everything, but so a I
Growth is an endlessly iterative process.¶
When we learn something new, we don’t go from “wrong” to “right”. Rather, we go from wrong to slightly less wrong.
You can’t be perfect, but you can keep getting better as much as you want
We are always in the process of approaching truth and perfection without actually ever reaching truth or perfection.
Instead of looking to be right all the time, we should be looking for how we’re wrong all the time. Because we are.
Openness to being wrong must exist for any real change or growth to take place.
If it feels like it’s you versus the world, chances are it’s really just you versus yourself.
Failure is the way forward¶
Improvement at anything is based on thousands of tiny failures.
If someone is better than you at something then it is likely because she has failed at it more than you have Pain is part of the process.
It makes you stronger and more resilient. Learn to sustain the pain you’ve chosen.
OPTIONAL¶
Motivation isn’t only a three-part chain, it is an endless loop.
The correct order is Action -> Inspiration -> Motivation.
Your proudest achievements come in the face of the greatest adversity. The “Do Something” Principle states that:
“If you lack the motivation to make an important change in your life, do something – anything, really – and then harness the reaction to that action as a way to begin motivating yourself.”
At some point, most of us reach a place where we’re afraid to fail, where we instinctively avoid failure and stick only to what is placed in front of us or only what we’re already good at
The Importance of Saying NO¶
The only way to achieve meaning and a sense of importance in one’s life is through a rejection of alternatives, a narrowing of freedom, a choice of commitment to one place, one belief, or (gulp) one person.
We need to reject something. Otherwise, we stand for nothing. If nothing is better or more desirable than anything else, then we are empty and our life is meaningless
Part of having honesty in our lives is becoming comfortable with saying and hearing the word “no.” In this way, rejection actually makes our relationships better and our emotional lives healthier.
A no is really important even when you want to focus, as Productivity is not saying yes and doing a hundred things, Productivity is saying no to a hundred things so that you can do that one thing you want to!
And Then you die…¶
Ofcourse, Death is inevitable.
“death is the light by which the shadow of all of life’s meaning is measured.”
Without death, everything would feel inconsequential (not important or significant.), all experiences without any motive, all measurements of life and values suddenly zero.
Confronting the reality of our own mortality is important because it obliterates all the crappy, fragile, superficial values in life.
The only way to be comfortable with death is to understand and see yourself as something bigger than yourself; to choose values that stretch beyond serving yourself, that are simple and immediate and controllable and tolerant of the chaotic world around you.
“ The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
You are already great because in the face of endless confusion and certain death, you continue to choose what to give a fuck about and what not to.
This mere fact, this simple optioning for your own values in life, already makes you beautiful, already makes you successful, and already makes you loved. Even if you don’t realize it.
So let’s just remember that¶
“Not giving a fuck does not mean being indifferent; it means being comfortable with being different.”
It means that you are doing things that matter in your life, saying no to those which do not and taking responsibility. That’s how you can attain your potential, be more attractive, successful and happy.