Surrounded by Narcissists

Introduction

Love is a serious mental Disease - Plato - If you don't know which problem you are supposed to be solving, you won't even see any need for a solution. - The behaviour of a narcissist comes at a cost to others. - There is a limit to how many self-infatuated narcissists we can cope with, collectively. - Narcissists might seem to own the room, conversation and even entire organisations. - But ultimately they end up giving themselves away.

Narcissism: A Brief Introduction

What is Narcissism?

We love ourselves more than other people, but are more about their opinions than our own. - Marcus Aurelius - Wikipedia says -- Narcissistic personality disorder is a long-term pattern of exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive craving for admiration and struggles with empathy. - Narcissists feel they are highly unique and genuinely special - Putting others down makes them feel better as it makes them feel more important. - Attacking people you don't like for some reason is a common trait for narcissists. - They feel entitled to criticize and tear others down but are too sensitive to listen to what people think of them. - are drawn to any place in which power and attention tend to concentrate. - are indifferent to emotions of others giving them an edge at manipulating people around them.

Being a Cut above the rest

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. - Margaret Mead - Doesn't claiming to be unique seem like it would be a waste of time in a world where everyone else is unique, too. - The main danger of being special, what author thinks, is that it's something others want to be. - We become the individuals we are through an interplay of nature and nurture. - Simply telling yourself that you're special won't actually make you special.

The Rest of the Dark Triad

• Narcissism isn't the only bad thing out there, there are more.
• Three personality disorders stand out though, these make up the dark triad:
  • Psychopathy
    • Someone who looks like you, speaks and behaves like you but deep down they are nothing like you.
    • Extremely manipulative and can convince almost anyone of anything
    • Mostly involves being cold, unempathic, and insensitive to the needs of others
  • Machiavellianism
    • Complete focus on self interest, they will manipulate, lie and exploit others to achieve their goals.
    • Mostly involves manipulating to attain personal goal.
  • Narcissism
    • Mostly involves feeling deserving of praise and special treatment that others don't receive.

Is it normal to think about yourselves all the time?

More the knowledge, lesser the ego Lesser the knowledge, more the ego. -- Albert Einstein - Narcissists simply go ahead and do whatever they want, they wager the short term rewards of amoral beahvior. - Using other people as stepping-stones to meet your own needs should be considered as not-normal or an aberration. (Griffith) - There are many things about a person that can be influenced including their behavioral profile and their level of personal growth. Repetition, is the mother of learning

• DISC - Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, Compliance --> have four colors associated with it: Red, Yellow, Green and Blue.
  • Reds
    • fact oriented, extroverted, driven to solve problems and take on difficult challenges
    • Don't always care what everybody think about them. Not relationship oriented.
  • Yellows
    • relationship oriented extroverts, all about interaction. Cannot resist trying to convince others about their opinion's validity.
    • Optimists who will be uneasy unless a consensus has been reached in the room.
    • Behavior in general is seen as attention seeking. Very receptive to positive feedback.
  • Greens

    - Relationship oriented, introverted and against change. They view change with suspicion, even when entirely and obviously necessary. Not accepting for newer ideas.

  • Blues are introverted, fact-oriented and enjoy rules and regulations. Prefer sticking to protocol and know the correct procedure for things.

    Narcissism is largely a matter of self-centeredness, but this doesn't mean that everyone who is self centered is a narcissist.

Do we succumb to narcissism as a result of getting too much of a good thing? Too much of self centeredness?

Surveying the Depths of Complex Souls

There is always some madness in love, but there is some reason in madness. - Deep down what narcissists want is control. - They don't want justice for anyone but themselves - They want reassurance that they get more than others - They want appreciation, admiration, the more, the merrier. - They want compassion, prestige, status, appreciation, they want to influence others. - Narcissists can be very good at playing the victim. (Gains them sympathy)

Do I Love Myself?

No Tree can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell. - A majority of population has terrible self-esteem, psychopaths enjoy this and tear people down piece by piece. - It's probably impossible to draw a clear line between healthy self-appreciation and self-esteem and unsympathetic, self-promoting egotism. - What's the harm in a little narcissism? - You won't be the most friendliest among the crowd - You could see where things are headed and position yourself accordingly. - In the long run, narcissism becomes harmful to the narcissist. - As long as it helps your performance without having a negative impact on anyone else, it is all good.

Emotions and Narcissists

When you love someone, you love the person as they are, not as you'd like them to be. - Love and Hate are two strong emotions, and hate is the stronger of the two. - The opposite of love is more likely apathy. - Are Narcissists capable of loving? - They love themselves, but again they crave attention, they hate that they aren't even better, more attractive, wealthier, popular. - What does it mean to be good? - Could it be to do something for another person without expecting anything in return? The philosophical question of whether truly unselfish acts are even rationally possible has not yet been put to bed. - To a narcissist, love means - You make my life more comfortable - That you for giving me what I need - I love you because you make me look amazing... - I'm glad you acknowledge me, you stick around

The Secret Language of Narcissists.

And once you are awake, you shall remain awake eternally. - People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their soul. - Besides lying, deceiving, and defrauding you, they're also very adept at identifying your weakness. - Narcissists are sophisticated bullies.

Manipulation

• If you are an approval addict, your behavior is as easy to control as that of any other junkie. All a manipulator need do is a simple two-step process:
  • Give you what you crave
  • Threaten to take it away.
• When a manipulator uses negative feedback, they stop doing something you dislike when you start doing something they like. As a result, you end up doing what they want.
• Manipulation often occurs subconsciously. If something works, you keep doing it.
• When it comes to romantic relationships, you should try to put your emotions to the side.
• A truly skilled manipulator is able to get a Green sufficiently off-balance to trigger their rage.
  • Greens are a type of people, that are sensitive, agreeable by nature, always aim to please others.

How to Protect yourself?

• Leave the room, the house, the county. Bring the subject up when there are other people around. For example, with someone you trust.
  • A mutual acquaintance, relative, or other person whose presence makes this technique too obvious to be used without the narcissist exposing themselves completely.
• Narcissists tend to be rather preoccupied wit what everybody else thinks of them. Use this to your advantage.
• Emotions are a very messy subject, and there are no surefire solutions.
• Remember, Narcissists don't experience emotions the way you and I do; they fake it, and when they drop the pretense you'll have all the information you need to make your decision.
  • Whoever is the most anxious to preserve the relationship will be the weakest.
• GASLIGHTING is all about causing confusion. Narcissists use this a lot.
• Trust depends on three things:
  • Predictability
  • Reliability
  • Conviction
• A psychological diagnosis like bipolar disorder is one thing, but narcissism is something else entirely. (It cannot be treated.)
• Narcissists are quite impatient; they want their rewards to come quickly. They can't keep up appearances indefinitely.

Who is at risk of falling victim to a Narcissist?

• Intelligence offers no protection against manipulation.
  • More smarter, more vulnerable
  • With greater intelligence, you think more rationally. You tend to rely more on logic when observing other people's behavior.
• Narcissists seek us out because we are their opposites, not because we are more like them.
• They are more like overgrown toddlers. Flailing, causing a scene when they don't get their way.
• Psychopaths are always learning, in every situation on the other hand.

How are Narcissists Made?

An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation would be normal behavior. - Parents, telling their children that they are special, more than other children are at a risk of producing narcissistic children. - Narcissism happens more by parental overvaluation than by lack of parental warmth. - Don't pity them, having a personality disorder doesn't absolve you of all responsibility for your action.

Challenges of Narcissism

• I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.
• A strong desire to reach the top will increase your chances of success. Having to step on others during the process is an unfortunate, but unavoidable side effect.
• Self-deception is a treacherous yet blissful activity.
• You'll have to face the facts:
  • You're not really that special
  • You're actually much the same as others.
• Your idols didn't become themselves by chance, they had to work for it. It takes genuine commitment to make something out of even the best of circumstances.
• Why would a narcissist want to be cured? Cured from what? From loving himself and having the ability to use others for his own personal benefit?